“I recognize that taking advice about discipline from a mother whose son is incarcerated might seem foolish.”
I couldn’t disagree more. I truly appreciate your insight. I’m a new reader, and as I work my way through your posts I am undoubtedly becoming a better man, father, and husband.
I’ve been a cop by trade for nearly twenty years, and I can say with certainty that accountability (love) is the way forward, while punishment (hatred/ rage/ resentment) only broadens the gap.
I can't tell you what this means to me. This, right here, is why sharing stories matters. I appreciate you and your heart and your work. You are so right that love is how we all find a better way for everyone. Thank you so much for being a part of that every day.
All I can say is my heart breaks for you both. In Australia America has always been revered but the last few years the cracks are showing and what’s leaking out is not pretty.
Thank you for sharing this - the parts you didn’t want to admit to, and also the other parts.
I am sorry that your son was a victim of a terrible dehumanizing policy like zero tolerance. My experience of schools is that they are some of the most rule bound, inflexible and paranoid institutions- or at least the administrators are like that. There are many good caring think out of the box educators who are laboring under these inhumane constraints and who see kids are rounded humans whose frontal lobes are still growing, and who need to feel they belong and they are cared about. For some reason it’s so easy to “other” the kids who are “too much” or who cannot regulate their emotions. Most adults have a hard time doing that, and if they are able to, I think for the most part they just got lucky. Putting pressure on a kid to conform, or to double down on the requirements for “good behavior” is in my experience, a good indicator that the kid will mess up, lash out, lose control or give up. I am so sorry that your son was let down by the system and then victimized and punished some more by the system. Please tell him and tell yourself too that there are people who care about him, and other young men like him, and who want to lift him up and give him strength and courage and self belief. I am sorry you had to deal with this in isolation and you had no or very few allies to walk you through the and to remind you that you and your boy matter and are loved and deserve to be loved. You’re a good mom, and I hope that when he gets out of prison - and I don’t know when that will be, that there are programs to help him process his trauma and stick to what is going for him. Maybe he has already started that work in prison? That would help the transition, for sure. Good luck, keep the faith, and again, your gift of sharing your son’s story is a really powerful one. Thank you and i I hope you keep sharing!
“I recognize that taking advice about discipline from a mother whose son is incarcerated might seem foolish.”
I couldn’t disagree more. I truly appreciate your insight. I’m a new reader, and as I work my way through your posts I am undoubtedly becoming a better man, father, and husband.
I’ve been a cop by trade for nearly twenty years, and I can say with certainty that accountability (love) is the way forward, while punishment (hatred/ rage/ resentment) only broadens the gap.
Thank you.
I can't tell you what this means to me. This, right here, is why sharing stories matters. I appreciate you and your heart and your work. You are so right that love is how we all find a better way for everyone. Thank you so much for being a part of that every day.
Sitting here in tears, I really felt this all.
Thank you for reading, and for feeling with me. Sending love. 🖤
All I can say is my heart breaks for you both. In Australia America has always been revered but the last few years the cracks are showing and what’s leaking out is not pretty.
Thank you for sharing this - the parts you didn’t want to admit to, and also the other parts.
I am sorry that your son was a victim of a terrible dehumanizing policy like zero tolerance. My experience of schools is that they are some of the most rule bound, inflexible and paranoid institutions- or at least the administrators are like that. There are many good caring think out of the box educators who are laboring under these inhumane constraints and who see kids are rounded humans whose frontal lobes are still growing, and who need to feel they belong and they are cared about. For some reason it’s so easy to “other” the kids who are “too much” or who cannot regulate their emotions. Most adults have a hard time doing that, and if they are able to, I think for the most part they just got lucky. Putting pressure on a kid to conform, or to double down on the requirements for “good behavior” is in my experience, a good indicator that the kid will mess up, lash out, lose control or give up. I am so sorry that your son was let down by the system and then victimized and punished some more by the system. Please tell him and tell yourself too that there are people who care about him, and other young men like him, and who want to lift him up and give him strength and courage and self belief. I am sorry you had to deal with this in isolation and you had no or very few allies to walk you through the and to remind you that you and your boy matter and are loved and deserve to be loved. You’re a good mom, and I hope that when he gets out of prison - and I don’t know when that will be, that there are programs to help him process his trauma and stick to what is going for him. Maybe he has already started that work in prison? That would help the transition, for sure. Good luck, keep the faith, and again, your gift of sharing your son’s story is a really powerful one. Thank you and i I hope you keep sharing!