We all just do the best we are able. And as parents we all perpetually feel it has not been enough. That it will never be enough. Try to take a moment each day to gift yourself at least a little forgiveness.
Thank you for showing all of you. You speak so honestly. It's a rough road for sure and I hope writing your story helps you heal. You are a GOOD person. You have a BIG heart. You are SPECIAL.
Thank you so much, Kathryn. It is interesting to watch ourselves be inspired or made mute by seasons of life. Thank you for reminding me that I'm not odd.
This level of honesty is rare and needed. The point about how its easier to flail at the external system than sit with internal pain is something alot of advocacy work avoids acknowledging. I saw this dynamic with a family member navigating chronic illness, where fighting insuranc companies became the safer emotional territory than processing grief. The line about hope being a decision rather than a state captures something crucial about sustained caregiving when theres no visible endpoint.
It really hasn't been until I started this blog that I understood what I'm doing to be caretaking. Thank you for this support and insight and for calling me out on good ways.
My girl. I wish I had something clever or profound to say - or that I could somehow do anything to make this all a little bit less ENTIRELY SUCKY for you. All I can do is applaud your honest and encourage more of it. It's good for you - and it's good for us. It's an honour to read - truly, thank you.
What I find interesting is even though I have no children, and therefore no child in prison, how much I still relate to what you're saying. The shit that's really unfair. The saying we're fine when we're not. The frustration with banal "how are you?" when we feel like screaming. All of this is universal. Keeping digging deep and uncovering these truths...
You already know that I love you but this universality and relating endeared me more. To know that what I'm saying reached beyond parenthood and prison into the shated human mess is the best thing I've heard all week. Linking arms with you from here.
What an honest piece of writing. I had a son with similar problems. He served 3 separate terms in prison all related to drug associated offenses. I managed to get him into employment after each sentence. The last with great pay(3rd time, 2006=$31.25/hr) because I had influence. Of course everything was placed in my name like apartment, utilities, vehicle, etc. Ended up creating more trouble than it was worth.
He finally made it clean for two years after I stopped all support(tough love approach) and communication for five years. I spoke with him once on a Thursday evening in 2018. We promised to talk the next day. When Friday afternoon rolled around he was dead from an opioid overdose. Did I cause his sudden return to drugs?
Coroner claimed he had only one fresh injection site. Once again I get to live with guilt. Only now it is permanent with little sign of improvement.
I never went through the various stages of grief. I’m stuck on being pissed off at him for being so fucking stupid to ever stick a needle in his arm. Time is alleged to heal (all?) wounds. Not yet and the 8th anniversary is approaching.
A few months ago I lost my second wife of 26 years and before she passed she requested I forgive him. She was always the better person. She forgave her 51 year old son after he died from acute alcoholism in 2021. Yeah, our children can not turn out as we wished.
His older sister is a long established attorney. I may never figure out WHY…
What love, what heartache. I cried reading this, dear fellow parent. I'm angry and sad and wishing so much for you from here. I hope you find peace as well, please keep in touch.
I hope writing this one felt like a big exhale at least. The heaviness you carry would weigh anyone down. But your sunken footsteps are leading the way for others dealing with this or similar burdens. No matter what happens, though, take care of you.
I'm always thankful for your perspective. Reading “the heaviness you carry would weigh anyone down” allowed me a huge deep breath this morning. Thank you.
I made a comment but I must have not posted it properly,,,,, anyway B keep writing, keep hoping! Pray 2026 is that year of encouragement and the return home of your son!
What is really hard for me in reading your poor heart spilled out like guts on a slaughter house floor, is hitting that “like” heart shaped button. How can I, as someone who has nothing to brag about in my life, read this gut wrenching saga of unrelenting pain and anger and in the end say “I liked that!” Substack needs to put an “Empathy “ button next to their “Like” button for people like me who really understand what and why you expose yourself like this, and wish I could take you in my arms and say, “Everything is going to be alright, I love you!”
Oooh, an empathy button. Now that would be revolutionary. I feel it from here, button or no, though. Thank you for reading and for your kind comment. It means the world to me, to my family.
I have written this same thing elsewhere, and feel it often! AGREED. The ‘like’ has always been problematic, and even more so with some of the best and most important writing here… of which Bridget’s IS, full stop.
I send you my sincere gratitude for your authenticity and courage. Many of your points apply to parents of adult children who suffer from other illnesses and addictions, though not in prison. Thank you for sharing your raw honesty.
Sitting in stillness is a powerful antidote to the noise we are exposed to our individual lives. Different stillness, different noise. But it’s not always peaceful to sit in silence. I get it.
You are doing good work here. I hope for yourself; I know so for others.
Mothers and others who have kids inside or don’t can identify with what you have to say because you have amazing storytelling powers.
You give us a sense of what it is like to feel what we have not experienced.
I appreciate this more than you can now. I appreciate you.
Keep going, mama. Sit silent when you need to. Grab a good friend and go somewhere where you can scream when you need to. And keep writing.
As always, you’ve left me without purchase on my own words.
As someone who has only dabbled in sharing details of my experiences in what others feel immediately pressed to provide sympathy for (and so am deeply familiar with the complex emotions involved), I just can’t wrap my brain around *you*.
Reading you + knowing you = one of the greatest honors of my life.
We all just do the best we are able. And as parents we all perpetually feel it has not been enough. That it will never be enough. Try to take a moment each day to gift yourself at least a little forgiveness.
As always, you calm my soul. Thank you, MaryBeth.
Thank you for showing all of you. You speak so honestly. It's a rough road for sure and I hope writing your story helps you heal. You are a GOOD person. You have a BIG heart. You are SPECIAL.
It is the people that support us/me here that help the healing process. I'm so thankful for you.
It's interesting the way that sometimes what we're going through drives us to write and sometimes it absolutely can't be written.
Sending lots of support and kindness as we enter this new year.
Thank you so much, Kathryn. It is interesting to watch ourselves be inspired or made mute by seasons of life. Thank you for reminding me that I'm not odd.
This level of honesty is rare and needed. The point about how its easier to flail at the external system than sit with internal pain is something alot of advocacy work avoids acknowledging. I saw this dynamic with a family member navigating chronic illness, where fighting insuranc companies became the safer emotional territory than processing grief. The line about hope being a decision rather than a state captures something crucial about sustained caregiving when theres no visible endpoint.
It really hasn't been until I started this blog that I understood what I'm doing to be caretaking. Thank you for this support and insight and for calling me out on good ways.
Another beautiful piece. Bridget, can I re-stack your piece on my sub stack? (Mine is about the experience of teaching in prison.)
I would be honored! Thank you, Kate.
It's up!
https://katestonelombardi.substack.com/p/perspectives-guest-post
Brilliant, Kate. I think I just fell in love with sharing pieces this way!!
Your self-awareness is impressive and makes the writing clean and clear.
I'm grateful for your seeing it. Thank you for being so kind and careful with this piece.
My girl. I wish I had something clever or profound to say - or that I could somehow do anything to make this all a little bit less ENTIRELY SUCKY for you. All I can do is applaud your honest and encourage more of it. It's good for you - and it's good for us. It's an honour to read - truly, thank you.
What I find interesting is even though I have no children, and therefore no child in prison, how much I still relate to what you're saying. The shit that's really unfair. The saying we're fine when we're not. The frustration with banal "how are you?" when we feel like screaming. All of this is universal. Keeping digging deep and uncovering these truths...
You already know that I love you but this universality and relating endeared me more. To know that what I'm saying reached beyond parenthood and prison into the shated human mess is the best thing I've heard all week. Linking arms with you from here.
Linking back!!
You are so brave and bad ass at the same time!!! Thanks for keeping it real <3!
From one to another. Love you.
What an honest piece of writing. I had a son with similar problems. He served 3 separate terms in prison all related to drug associated offenses. I managed to get him into employment after each sentence. The last with great pay(3rd time, 2006=$31.25/hr) because I had influence. Of course everything was placed in my name like apartment, utilities, vehicle, etc. Ended up creating more trouble than it was worth.
He finally made it clean for two years after I stopped all support(tough love approach) and communication for five years. I spoke with him once on a Thursday evening in 2018. We promised to talk the next day. When Friday afternoon rolled around he was dead from an opioid overdose. Did I cause his sudden return to drugs?
Coroner claimed he had only one fresh injection site. Once again I get to live with guilt. Only now it is permanent with little sign of improvement.
I never went through the various stages of grief. I’m stuck on being pissed off at him for being so fucking stupid to ever stick a needle in his arm. Time is alleged to heal (all?) wounds. Not yet and the 8th anniversary is approaching.
A few months ago I lost my second wife of 26 years and before she passed she requested I forgive him. She was always the better person. She forgave her 51 year old son after he died from acute alcoholism in 2021. Yeah, our children can not turn out as we wished.
His older sister is a long established attorney. I may never figure out WHY…
I hope you find peace. Truly.
What love, what heartache. I cried reading this, dear fellow parent. I'm angry and sad and wishing so much for you from here. I hope you find peace as well, please keep in touch.
I hope writing this one felt like a big exhale at least. The heaviness you carry would weigh anyone down. But your sunken footsteps are leading the way for others dealing with this or similar burdens. No matter what happens, though, take care of you.
I'm always thankful for your perspective. Reading “the heaviness you carry would weigh anyone down” allowed me a huge deep breath this morning. Thank you.
I made a comment but I must have not posted it properly,,,,, anyway B keep writing, keep hoping! Pray 2026 is that year of encouragement and the return home of your son!
Thank you!! 2026 is looking up!! 🖤
What is really hard for me in reading your poor heart spilled out like guts on a slaughter house floor, is hitting that “like” heart shaped button. How can I, as someone who has nothing to brag about in my life, read this gut wrenching saga of unrelenting pain and anger and in the end say “I liked that!” Substack needs to put an “Empathy “ button next to their “Like” button for people like me who really understand what and why you expose yourself like this, and wish I could take you in my arms and say, “Everything is going to be alright, I love you!”
My tears are just for you today.
Oooh, an empathy button. Now that would be revolutionary. I feel it from here, button or no, though. Thank you for reading and for your kind comment. It means the world to me, to my family.
I have written this same thing elsewhere, and feel it often! AGREED. The ‘like’ has always been problematic, and even more so with some of the best and most important writing here… of which Bridget’s IS, full stop.
Gut wrenching, Bridget.
Take. Care. Of. You. ❤️
Thank you. I'm certainly trying. 😉
I send you my sincere gratitude for your authenticity and courage. Many of your points apply to parents of adult children who suffer from other illnesses and addictions, though not in prison. Thank you for sharing your raw honesty.
Sitting in stillness is a powerful antidote to the noise we are exposed to our individual lives. Different stillness, different noise. But it’s not always peaceful to sit in silence. I get it.
You are doing good work here. I hope for yourself; I know so for others.
Mothers and others who have kids inside or don’t can identify with what you have to say because you have amazing storytelling powers.
You give us a sense of what it is like to feel what we have not experienced.
I appreciate this more than you can now. I appreciate you.
Keep going, mama. Sit silent when you need to. Grab a good friend and go somewhere where you can scream when you need to. And keep writing.
We are here. We hear you.
As always, you’ve left me without purchase on my own words.
As someone who has only dabbled in sharing details of my experiences in what others feel immediately pressed to provide sympathy for (and so am deeply familiar with the complex emotions involved), I just can’t wrap my brain around *you*.
Reading you + knowing you = one of the greatest honors of my life.