I had to stop halfway through. I will come back to finish this brilliant and important piece but I just wanted to say once again how much power your words have. Thank you for continuing to put them out there although I know it must be exhausting. You have been in my thoughts constantly. ❤️
I have always struggled with outward signs of faith as well - I want my faith to be seen by my walk - so when my husband bought me a delicate little cross, i didn’t wear it for a while. I have since come to find comfort in wearing it for ME, and find myself almost clutching it daily to remind me of the love, forgiveness, and eternal peace His sacrifice promises me. That outward symbol calms my often internal turmoil. At the end of the day, I think finding peace amidst all this hurt and chaos is going to make peace in heaven attainable. And I want to always show the love and grace I hope to receive when God calls me home.
I do appreciate symbolism and I know the cross brings comfort to many. Waking through the prisoner art gallery last month, the cross was everywhere. It speaks to the redemption Jesus sought to give, and that's important to so many. I just think we've, as a society, lost sight of what it really is. Linking punishment of people to Christianity is an odd twist, given the message of the cross.
History has shown repeatedly how people have warped and manipulated God’s word to justify their evil doings, but the Bible does tell us there is a special place in hell for them.
Hi Bridget, you wrote a good article full of raw emotion. It was difficult to read for 2 reasons: ( maybe more, but 2 big ones.)
I have a son addicted to drugs & I’ve felt that “ raw”- ness many times. It’s gut wrenching at times. It’s been about 15 years of struggling. In and out of rehab programs, and literally has been in EVERY mental health hospital in and around Seattle area. ( Bellevue & Monroe included) One program was voluntary & was also the place where prisoners would come to finish off their sentences. It wasn’t highly guarded because they knew if they left, they would go back to prison. It was eye opening , to say the least.
He came home ( after 30 days) with literally the clothes he had on and a small bag. I said, “ where’s all your clothes?” He said, “ mom, you don’t understand, those guys have nothing.” I’m not gonna lie, I was a little miffed after buying multiple pants & shirts for his stay. He has a big heart. He can make bad decisions, but he’s made good ones too. I’ve wanted to hate him, at times, but it doesn’t last. It’s a mom thing.
I can relate to a lot of what you wrote.
The second hard part is, I haven’t found anything as comforting for me, as my relationship with Jesus. HE is everything to me, no question. It’s almost as indescribable, as the pain I feel about my son, but the complete opposite side of the pendulum swing. If that makes sense. Because I KNOW you know that pain. And I just want to grab you and show you that it can get better. The anger you feel toward the injustice & Easter hypocrisy is reasonable, even expected, as a mom going through this.
Here’s the thing.. you were never meant to go through all this alone. Jesus sees you & sees your pain. If you could see yourself through HIS eyes, you’d understand the unconditional love HE has for you & your son. This is the crazy love that some of these prisoners are experiencing for the very first time.
Absolutely, they will include a cross in their art.
Grace & forgiveness is a gift we can all receive, BECAUSE Jesus died for our sins. We can’t earn it, and we don’t deserve it. It’s pure love.
I understand what you’re saying about forgiveness & if Christians truly wanted to emulate Jesus, there would be forgiveness instead of prisons. Especially, when mental illness & extenuating circumstances are involved, I do. Believe me, I do! But, this world is not our home & there’s a whole other place we are going, probably soon.
The big picture is so important. If you haven’t, read C.S. Lewis “ Mere Christianity”. He explains it all so well , and not preachy. Like you’re talking w/ a friend. He explained to me so many things I never understood.
I would send you a copy. Honest.
Don’t let your heart & soul harden by what you see in this world. That won’t help you or your son.
God can help! For sure, no doubt. You wouldn’t believe how many miracles I’ve seen in my 60 years on this planet. Never give up!
Thank you for your heart. I see your son's heart as well, and that made me smile. I know the frustration of addiction and I'm so sorry this has also been your mom-experience. Gut-wrenching.
I also know what it is to wrestle mightly with my own faith. CS Lewis is one of my favorite Christians, and I read Mere Christianity decades ago. It's still on my bookshelf next to Grief Observed and many others. For the record, I am not hardened to Jesus. I'm hardened to religious people who do the opposite of what Jesus taught and lived and died for. I was raised in the church and I've seen my fill of hypocrisy... which he abhored. Calling out the church for bad behavior isn't closing off to God.
If this piece sounds harsh, I am glad. I think modern day American Christians have walked very far from the teachings of Jesus. I am also increasingly confused by the symbolism, if it means grace isn't truly given by the wearers. So odd. Anyway, thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts. Blessings to you and your son. 🖤
Thank you so much for writing this--I'm not sure I can fully imagine how difficult it must have been to wrestle with rage and still produce something so profound and moving.
Those of us who think about Easter at all tend to skip over the murder part and go straight to the more palatable redemption. But I'm never going to look at my silver cross necklace quite the same way again. (Not sure I'll wear it again, either.)
Thankyou for summing up how I have felt about Easter since I could think about it. I like the idea of Jesus but the hypocrisy of organised faith is really not what Jesus came for.
Madam, in my country, Spain, a Catholic country, we all get golden chains and crosses for our Communion. I have never worn mine in public, since I respect it too much. Your words are brave and just. Wishing you the best
Sending you love as you & your family navigate a sudden, tragic loss. (Also: your line about Easter being about a middle-aged mom seeing her son brought up before the courts -- powerful!)
Thank you for sharing! I did not see it last yr & I'm so glad you shared it with me now. I left a comment over there -- suffice it, here, to say that you moved me and that I will forever think about you & Mary on Good Friday and during Holy Week, moving forward.
This is what you do that no one else does — you take your own broken-open heart and use it to crack the rest of us open too. And somehow you do it with a sharpness and wit that makes the truth land harder than any sermon ever could. The clarity you bring to something this dark, this personal, is a gift. The soul tax is real. I see it, and I hate that you're forced to pay it. And also — thank you.
Gosh, I just got the biggest boost and goosebumps from your response. All I can say is thank you so much for being here to witness— and for being so kind to me.
I’m in complete agreement Black Sheep Mom. I’ve written about the mythology of Easter before, but just from the POV of history and all the “saviors” who predated Jesus and the way their myths were included and incorporated. Hence the bunnies and eggs. But your experience skewers Christian hypocrisy better than anything I’ve ever written. Heartbreaking.
What I can't quite figure out is that 68% were in favor of the death penalty for women in 2002. Maybe I am slow on the uptake or something. It has long been proven that the death penalty has never acted as a deterrent.
Thank you for your opinion. I have no idea how hard it would be to have your son in jail. Chocolate crosses are marketing gone gaga. I feel for you. I agree with you too. You are right. It was women who stood beneath the cross as Jesus died. Not the Apostles, not men, the women he was always closest to. Oh, and they have proven that Mary Magdalene was never a prostitute. It was just another lie spread by the Church to keep women 'pure'.
I'm an Australian. New Zealand and us haven't had the death penalty for a very long time. I tend to give a wide berth to those crazy people I hear yammering now and then that they should bring it back.
I appreciate your sharing. I agree, wearing a cross is like wearing a miniature electric chair. God did not order the local government to hang the Son. Atonement theology is incorrect.
I had to stop halfway through. I will come back to finish this brilliant and important piece but I just wanted to say once again how much power your words have. Thank you for continuing to put them out there although I know it must be exhausting. You have been in my thoughts constantly. ❤️
Thank you, friend. 🖤
🖤We need restorative justice for the low hanging fruit, our kids.
Yes, and if we're technical, we could write a volume on what Jesus said about children. 🖤
I have always struggled with outward signs of faith as well - I want my faith to be seen by my walk - so when my husband bought me a delicate little cross, i didn’t wear it for a while. I have since come to find comfort in wearing it for ME, and find myself almost clutching it daily to remind me of the love, forgiveness, and eternal peace His sacrifice promises me. That outward symbol calms my often internal turmoil. At the end of the day, I think finding peace amidst all this hurt and chaos is going to make peace in heaven attainable. And I want to always show the love and grace I hope to receive when God calls me home.
I do appreciate symbolism and I know the cross brings comfort to many. Waking through the prisoner art gallery last month, the cross was everywhere. It speaks to the redemption Jesus sought to give, and that's important to so many. I just think we've, as a society, lost sight of what it really is. Linking punishment of people to Christianity is an odd twist, given the message of the cross.
History has shown repeatedly how people have warped and manipulated God’s word to justify their evil doings, but the Bible does tell us there is a special place in hell for them.
Hi Bridget, you wrote a good article full of raw emotion. It was difficult to read for 2 reasons: ( maybe more, but 2 big ones.)
I have a son addicted to drugs & I’ve felt that “ raw”- ness many times. It’s gut wrenching at times. It’s been about 15 years of struggling. In and out of rehab programs, and literally has been in EVERY mental health hospital in and around Seattle area. ( Bellevue & Monroe included) One program was voluntary & was also the place where prisoners would come to finish off their sentences. It wasn’t highly guarded because they knew if they left, they would go back to prison. It was eye opening , to say the least.
He came home ( after 30 days) with literally the clothes he had on and a small bag. I said, “ where’s all your clothes?” He said, “ mom, you don’t understand, those guys have nothing.” I’m not gonna lie, I was a little miffed after buying multiple pants & shirts for his stay. He has a big heart. He can make bad decisions, but he’s made good ones too. I’ve wanted to hate him, at times, but it doesn’t last. It’s a mom thing.
I can relate to a lot of what you wrote.
The second hard part is, I haven’t found anything as comforting for me, as my relationship with Jesus. HE is everything to me, no question. It’s almost as indescribable, as the pain I feel about my son, but the complete opposite side of the pendulum swing. If that makes sense. Because I KNOW you know that pain. And I just want to grab you and show you that it can get better. The anger you feel toward the injustice & Easter hypocrisy is reasonable, even expected, as a mom going through this.
Here’s the thing.. you were never meant to go through all this alone. Jesus sees you & sees your pain. If you could see yourself through HIS eyes, you’d understand the unconditional love HE has for you & your son. This is the crazy love that some of these prisoners are experiencing for the very first time.
Absolutely, they will include a cross in their art.
Grace & forgiveness is a gift we can all receive, BECAUSE Jesus died for our sins. We can’t earn it, and we don’t deserve it. It’s pure love.
I understand what you’re saying about forgiveness & if Christians truly wanted to emulate Jesus, there would be forgiveness instead of prisons. Especially, when mental illness & extenuating circumstances are involved, I do. Believe me, I do! But, this world is not our home & there’s a whole other place we are going, probably soon.
The big picture is so important. If you haven’t, read C.S. Lewis “ Mere Christianity”. He explains it all so well , and not preachy. Like you’re talking w/ a friend. He explained to me so many things I never understood.
I would send you a copy. Honest.
Don’t let your heart & soul harden by what you see in this world. That won’t help you or your son.
God can help! For sure, no doubt. You wouldn’t believe how many miracles I’ve seen in my 60 years on this planet. Never give up!
Prayers are coming your way. 🙏🏼💕
FAITH > FEAR
Thank you for your heart. I see your son's heart as well, and that made me smile. I know the frustration of addiction and I'm so sorry this has also been your mom-experience. Gut-wrenching.
I also know what it is to wrestle mightly with my own faith. CS Lewis is one of my favorite Christians, and I read Mere Christianity decades ago. It's still on my bookshelf next to Grief Observed and many others. For the record, I am not hardened to Jesus. I'm hardened to religious people who do the opposite of what Jesus taught and lived and died for. I was raised in the church and I've seen my fill of hypocrisy... which he abhored. Calling out the church for bad behavior isn't closing off to God.
If this piece sounds harsh, I am glad. I think modern day American Christians have walked very far from the teachings of Jesus. I am also increasingly confused by the symbolism, if it means grace isn't truly given by the wearers. So odd. Anyway, thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts. Blessings to you and your son. 🖤
Your writing just gets better. Very compelling. Rage on the page. Thank you.
I shall continue on then. Thank you for this encouragement. 🖤
Thank you so much for writing this--I'm not sure I can fully imagine how difficult it must have been to wrestle with rage and still produce something so profound and moving.
Those of us who think about Easter at all tend to skip over the murder part and go straight to the more palatable redemption. But I'm never going to look at my silver cross necklace quite the same way again. (Not sure I'll wear it again, either.)
Wrestling with rage, that's such a great way to put how I feel. Thank you for seeing us and for sharing your heart.
Thankyou for summing up how I have felt about Easter since I could think about it. I like the idea of Jesus but the hypocrisy of organised faith is really not what Jesus came for.
Sending you love in your darkest times.
Jesus was awesome. We'd be a lot better in this world if we actually followed his teachings. 🖤
Madam, in my country, Spain, a Catholic country, we all get golden chains and crosses for our Communion. I have never worn mine in public, since I respect it too much. Your words are brave and just. Wishing you the best
Sending you love as you & your family navigate a sudden, tragic loss. (Also: your line about Easter being about a middle-aged mom seeing her son brought up before the courts -- powerful!)
Thank you, Jennifer. Here's the piece that I wrote last year about that (not sure if you saw it)
https://www.blacksheepmom.com/p/black-sheep-friday
Thank you for sharing! I did not see it last yr & I'm so glad you shared it with me now. I left a comment over there -- suffice it, here, to say that you moved me and that I will forever think about you & Mary on Good Friday and during Holy Week, moving forward.
All I can say is wow. You have significant thoughts to consider.
Thank you for reading, Jim, and for sharing. 🖤
This is what you do that no one else does — you take your own broken-open heart and use it to crack the rest of us open too. And somehow you do it with a sharpness and wit that makes the truth land harder than any sermon ever could. The clarity you bring to something this dark, this personal, is a gift. The soul tax is real. I see it, and I hate that you're forced to pay it. And also — thank you.
Gosh, I just got the biggest boost and goosebumps from your response. All I can say is thank you so much for being here to witness— and for being so kind to me.
wow. thank you for articulating the thoughts that many of us have, myself included. I like the way you think!
Thank you for reading, and for commenting here. It's so nice to know we can share in our pondering and not be run out of town. 🖤
So powerful. Thanks for sharing this hard-won wisdom. You’ll have me thinking, as I see people in crosses.
Thank you for being here, Mary.
I’m in complete agreement Black Sheep Mom. I’ve written about the mythology of Easter before, but just from the POV of history and all the “saviors” who predated Jesus and the way their myths were included and incorporated. Hence the bunnies and eggs. But your experience skewers Christian hypocrisy better than anything I’ve ever written. Heartbreaking.
Amazing post.
What I can't quite figure out is that 68% were in favor of the death penalty for women in 2002. Maybe I am slow on the uptake or something. It has long been proven that the death penalty has never acted as a deterrent.
Thank you for your opinion. I have no idea how hard it would be to have your son in jail. Chocolate crosses are marketing gone gaga. I feel for you. I agree with you too. You are right. It was women who stood beneath the cross as Jesus died. Not the Apostles, not men, the women he was always closest to. Oh, and they have proven that Mary Magdalene was never a prostitute. It was just another lie spread by the Church to keep women 'pure'.
I'm an Australian. New Zealand and us haven't had the death penalty for a very long time. I tend to give a wide berth to those crazy people I hear yammering now and then that they should bring it back.
"What are the Chances" sent me here. So glad she did.
I'm grateful for you both! Thanks for following the rabbit trail, and for reading. 🖤
Quite an essay. Congratulations on writing it.
Thanks, David.
You are welcome!
I appreciate your sharing. I agree, wearing a cross is like wearing a miniature electric chair. God did not order the local government to hang the Son. Atonement theology is incorrect.
🖤🖤🖤