You have a beautiful voice for a complicated subject, but your unconditional love for your son and compassion for other mothers in your position comes through in a very genuine and enlightening way. 💕
I thank you for sharing your experiences & look forward to reading more. I'm a mom of 4 sons (now ages 19-27) & I've written about parenting, raising, & educating boys for years. I so appreciate your perspective b/c we all go into (& often, through) parenting wanting to believe that IF WE DO EVERYTHING RIGHT, everything will be right, okay, good. And it's simply not true. There are no guarantees. Good parents, good moms, great families raise kids who overdose, who sell drugs to others who overdose, who die my suicide, who commit crimes. It's an unsettling truth most of us don't want to grapple with, but I think we need to, both as parents and as society, so we can better learn how to support one another.
Oh, thank you for being here Jennifer. I've jumped over to subscribe to the great work you're doing. We must be willing to be real or we don't learn a darn thing! Linking arms with you, friend.
I've just spent the half hour reading your stuff & I am so moved -- empathy, anger, sadness. You & your son were failed by the community, by society, in ways that were/are still so common. And our oldest sons are the same age. If you're willing, some day I'd love to do a Substack Live or cross post with you.
This morning I had an hour-long conversation with a mom who lost her 21 year-old daughter to a drug overdose. The drugs were provided to her by her boyfriend, a master manipulator who witnessed a previous girlfriend die in the exact same way.
This guy waited an hour to call 9-1-1 while daughter died on the floor. Mom is aware of this.
Despite it all, she maintains a brightness of spirit and a goodness of heart that is nothing short of awe-inspiring. She is hurt to her core, but endures and flourishes in the face of what the uninitiated would deem to be insurmountable odds.
This same spirit resonates through your writing. Your experience is one of the more powerful that I have read on this platform, and I cannot overstate its impact. I would again like to thank you for your honesty and vulnerability.
Just like the mom above, your battle with this matters, not just for you but for the entire human condition. Keep up the good work.
This: “in spite of my desire to remain inoffensive…”. This right here is what makes you great.
I so so relate to the not wanting to speak in case people misunderstand me thing - to the point where I avoid talking about anything political with virtually anyone. But d’you know what? That makes me part of the problem.
You were scared and you showed up anyway - which makes you a badass. Beautiful piece and well said.
Wow. I'm struck by the honesty of your voice. By the shared tendency to look back and find causality. And for that to so often start with a choice or choices a parent made. There is so much in our children- in ourselves-- that will be impossible to understand, because other people (and ourselves) carry inscrutability. Thank you for turning the jewel so that we can turn all sides, and never assume someone's mother could not in the next blink of an eye be any of us. It certainly keeps empathy active.
I was just saying this in conversation yesterday- that I've learned anything can happen to any of us in the blink of an eye and change the course of our life forever. Thank you for being willing to look at this one. I so appreciate your presence here.
Love you, hate the title, and I get that you hint that you are not the "responsible party," but you have to KNOW that you are not them and they are not you! Eff society and it's norms!!! In my circles, we talk about the 3-C's. You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. You sharing your experience, strength, and hope is the key to healing for you and for others who choose to read and heal as well. Love your empathy and understanding written so graciously! Love YOU!!!
We will get through this and he will change the world in whatever ways are needed. I could not be more grateful for your spirit, your love and encouragement, for all of the honesty you've put out into this world. Love you, dear friend.
You're not a "failed mom." Sometimes shit happens that's out of our control and sometimes not. But you're there for your son as much as you can be. That's all you can do.
My family thought they failed me too, but it wasn't anything they did; it was MY bad decisions and addiction that led me to prison. I like to think that the lessons they instilled in me as a child just took a while to sink in 😊
Thank you. I'm so happy you're here, and gosh, you sound like my son. I appreciate this level of knowing and ownership and of course, perspective. Your voice is so important, not only to me but to the world.
Thank you so much🙏 Are you familiar with After Incarceration by chance? My buddy Jose Pineda (BPI alum) started a nonprofit that you might find interesting. He's trying to involve more systems-impacted people and their families
Heavy, true and raw. The fact is that our kids grow up to be people who get to make their own choices and who have to deal with their own weaknesses/mental competencies/foibles despite our efforts or desires. Once they’re grown, we have no control over their lives. You’re right, unfortunately, about mothers bearing the brunt of the blame. I’m so sorry for what you are experiencing. And I’m glad you’re writing about it.
It's so crazy that sometimes you don't see a comment the day it's written but when you do see it, it means more. Thank you, friend, for seeing the mom part of this with such love and grace.
Bridget, this cut deep. What you wrote about “courtesy stigma” hit me hardest because of how quickly we look for a scapegoat when reality feels too heavy to carry. I fly airplanes for a living, and even in the cockpit, when things go wrong, the instinct is to pin it on one decision or one person. Real life rarely works that way. Systems fail, people falter, and sometimes despite every ounce of love and structure we pour in, our kids still make choices we cannot predict or prevent. Your honesty about how good moms with good hearts can still face outcomes they never imagined is powerful. Thank you for saying out loud what so many parents are terrified to admit.
Bridget, you write with such emotional power and rational clarity, it blows me away. I don't have a loved one in prison yet your essays are among the ones I look for here. It's the way you write, it's who you are as a person, that draws me in. Yours is a unique and necessary voice. This particular essay is on such a complex and polarizing topic and yet you were able to write this very sane and clear piece. I like how the restrained fury creeps in around the edges. Powerful.
I'll never forget reading a piece of yours that I stumbled on during my first weeks on Substack. This friend, is the highest compliment and I am so honored. Perhaps I should change my bio to include ‘restrained fury creeping in around the edges' because that is so accurate a description of how I feel that I had to take a deep breath. Thank you. Thank you.
I only wish you could have seen my face and heard the sound I made reading this (and seeing your subscription support). I am so thankful you're here, especially via Anne Lamott. Mostly, thank you for adding back to my basket of hope. 🖤
You have a beautiful voice for a complicated subject, but your unconditional love for your son and compassion for other mothers in your position comes through in a very genuine and enlightening way. 💕
Thank you for reading again, and for being such a support. I'm truly grateful for you.
I thank you for sharing your experiences & look forward to reading more. I'm a mom of 4 sons (now ages 19-27) & I've written about parenting, raising, & educating boys for years. I so appreciate your perspective b/c we all go into (& often, through) parenting wanting to believe that IF WE DO EVERYTHING RIGHT, everything will be right, okay, good. And it's simply not true. There are no guarantees. Good parents, good moms, great families raise kids who overdose, who sell drugs to others who overdose, who die my suicide, who commit crimes. It's an unsettling truth most of us don't want to grapple with, but I think we need to, both as parents and as society, so we can better learn how to support one another.
Oh, thank you for being here Jennifer. I've jumped over to subscribe to the great work you're doing. We must be willing to be real or we don't learn a darn thing! Linking arms with you, friend.
I've just spent the half hour reading your stuff & I am so moved -- empathy, anger, sadness. You & your son were failed by the community, by society, in ways that were/are still so common. And our oldest sons are the same age. If you're willing, some day I'd love to do a Substack Live or cross post with you.
Oh, 100%. Let's connect and link arms. 🖤
This morning I had an hour-long conversation with a mom who lost her 21 year-old daughter to a drug overdose. The drugs were provided to her by her boyfriend, a master manipulator who witnessed a previous girlfriend die in the exact same way.
This guy waited an hour to call 9-1-1 while daughter died on the floor. Mom is aware of this.
Despite it all, she maintains a brightness of spirit and a goodness of heart that is nothing short of awe-inspiring. She is hurt to her core, but endures and flourishes in the face of what the uninitiated would deem to be insurmountable odds.
This same spirit resonates through your writing. Your experience is one of the more powerful that I have read on this platform, and I cannot overstate its impact. I would again like to thank you for your honesty and vulnerability.
Just like the mom above, your battle with this matters, not just for you but for the entire human condition. Keep up the good work.
I am so grateful for you and for your work both here and in the world. Thank you for seeing something here and for supporting my voice.
This: “in spite of my desire to remain inoffensive…”. This right here is what makes you great.
I so so relate to the not wanting to speak in case people misunderstand me thing - to the point where I avoid talking about anything political with virtually anyone. But d’you know what? That makes me part of the problem.
You were scared and you showed up anyway - which makes you a badass. Beautiful piece and well said.
And now, you've made me cry. I appreciate you so!
And now you’re making me cry! Damn you….!
Wow. I'm struck by the honesty of your voice. By the shared tendency to look back and find causality. And for that to so often start with a choice or choices a parent made. There is so much in our children- in ourselves-- that will be impossible to understand, because other people (and ourselves) carry inscrutability. Thank you for turning the jewel so that we can turn all sides, and never assume someone's mother could not in the next blink of an eye be any of us. It certainly keeps empathy active.
I was just saying this in conversation yesterday- that I've learned anything can happen to any of us in the blink of an eye and change the course of our life forever. Thank you for being willing to look at this one. I so appreciate your presence here.
Bridget. Thank you. Using your voice and connecting us through your pain is really what writing is about…
Thank you for connecting. 🖤
Love you, hate the title, and I get that you hint that you are not the "responsible party," but you have to KNOW that you are not them and they are not you! Eff society and it's norms!!! In my circles, we talk about the 3-C's. You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. You sharing your experience, strength, and hope is the key to healing for you and for others who choose to read and heal as well. Love your empathy and understanding written so graciously! Love YOU!!!
Great reminder this morning. Didn't cause, sure can't control, and don't have the cure. Love you and thank you so much.
Thank you for your transparency. Thank you for sharing your soul. Thank you for making me/us think.
I wait and look forward to every word you write. Please never stop.
As Moms we do the best we can. And it guts us when they choose a different path.
I think of you and your beloved son all the time. You both have much to teach us.
I have to believe and trust he will come through this. And know that he has a Mom who is present for him
Loving and caring for him.
Thank you for being the light that we all need. Love you. And PS never entertain the idea that you are a failed Mom.
We will get through this and he will change the world in whatever ways are needed. I could not be more grateful for your spirit, your love and encouragement, for all of the honesty you've put out into this world. Love you, dear friend.
You're not a "failed mom." Sometimes shit happens that's out of our control and sometimes not. But you're there for your son as much as you can be. That's all you can do.
My family thought they failed me too, but it wasn't anything they did; it was MY bad decisions and addiction that led me to prison. I like to think that the lessons they instilled in me as a child just took a while to sink in 😊
Thank you. I'm so happy you're here, and gosh, you sound like my son. I appreciate this level of knowing and ownership and of course, perspective. Your voice is so important, not only to me but to the world.
Thank you so much🙏 Are you familiar with After Incarceration by chance? My buddy Jose Pineda (BPI alum) started a nonprofit that you might find interesting. He's trying to involve more systems-impacted people and their families
I'm not but I'll check it out! Thank you for connecting me.
Heavy, true and raw. The fact is that our kids grow up to be people who get to make their own choices and who have to deal with their own weaknesses/mental competencies/foibles despite our efforts or desires. Once they’re grown, we have no control over their lives. You’re right, unfortunately, about mothers bearing the brunt of the blame. I’m so sorry for what you are experiencing. And I’m glad you’re writing about it.
It's so crazy that sometimes you don't see a comment the day it's written but when you do see it, it means more. Thank you, friend, for seeing the mom part of this with such love and grace.
Ahhhh, you’re welcome. Moms (and women) need to hold each other up now more than ever.
Bridget, this cut deep. What you wrote about “courtesy stigma” hit me hardest because of how quickly we look for a scapegoat when reality feels too heavy to carry. I fly airplanes for a living, and even in the cockpit, when things go wrong, the instinct is to pin it on one decision or one person. Real life rarely works that way. Systems fail, people falter, and sometimes despite every ounce of love and structure we pour in, our kids still make choices we cannot predict or prevent. Your honesty about how good moms with good hearts can still face outcomes they never imagined is powerful. Thank you for saying out loud what so many parents are terrified to admit.
I really appreciate you giving this example and support. What a great perspective. I'm so happy you're here.
Thanks for taking us with you on the dark and twisty path to empathy.
You continue to be one of the faces I look for in the crowd. Thank you, Billie.
Bridget, you write with such emotional power and rational clarity, it blows me away. I don't have a loved one in prison yet your essays are among the ones I look for here. It's the way you write, it's who you are as a person, that draws me in. Yours is a unique and necessary voice. This particular essay is on such a complex and polarizing topic and yet you were able to write this very sane and clear piece. I like how the restrained fury creeps in around the edges. Powerful.
I'll never forget reading a piece of yours that I stumbled on during my first weeks on Substack. This friend, is the highest compliment and I am so honored. Perhaps I should change my bio to include ‘restrained fury creeping in around the edges' because that is so accurate a description of how I feel that I had to take a deep breath. Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you for writing ✍️ I love you so much 💕
I appreciate your support, more than you know. 🖤
I only wish you could have seen my face and heard the sound I made reading this (and seeing your subscription support). I am so thankful you're here, especially via Anne Lamott. Mostly, thank you for adding back to my basket of hope. 🖤