Your ability to write so clearly and well, while holding so much weight and heaviness, is incredible, Bridget. Thank you for sharing as you do. I’ll be remembering all of this this wknd. And you.
Leslie, that is such a sharp and important truth. Shame and trauma often reinforce each other in ways that can quietly distort identity, decision-making, and what people believe they deserve long after the original wound. Bridget’s piece really helped show how deeply that entanglement can shape outcomes across both personal and institutional levels. Grateful for how concisely you named something that sits underneath so much of this conversation.
I teach Sociology—this sits at an interesting intersection of the concept of total institutions (Goffman) and gender. A piece I will consider sharing with my students. Excellent framing and writing.
Once again, my heart breaks for you, your son, and all of us. Inexpressible grief for our young men and their families. Our culture is so broken, sometimes I despair that we can ever make a difference. Thank you for being so brave in the face of this. The scope is almost unbearable.
Bridget, this is a powerful and courageous reflection because you held together patriotism, grief, accountability, and systemic contradiction without flattening any of it. What especially stayed with me is how you connected honor, shame, and institutional outcomes through the lived story of your son; it gave human weight to questions many people discuss only in policy language. Your line about loss extending beyond those fallen in battle also widens an important conversation around what return, trauma, and restoration can mean. Grateful for how thoughtfully you wrote toward dignity, both for those carrying service and for those carrying consequences.
I really appreciate how you share what impacts you in each piece. Thank you fir taking the time to illuminate what hits and why it matters. It's makes us better writers to hear such reflections. And thank you for reading! 🖤
Bridget, I appreciate that. One of the gifts of strong writing is that it does more than communicate a point; it reveals where truth, tension, and lived experience meet in ways readers cannot easily ignore. Your piece carried that kind of weight, especially because it held complexity without losing dignity or humanity. Grateful for the care and courage you brought to writing it, and for the conversation it continues to open.
I'm so sorry to hear about your journey with your son's addiction battle. I'm formerly incarcerated myself and volunteer at a place that connects people in recovery with resources. Many of my colleagues were arrested for using or possessing opioids. My own cousin died due to his opioid use. If you can, see if his prison has access to Recovery Coaching or at least to MAT for people ready to leave.. it makes a HUGE difference in staying off drugs.
Thank you for your comment. We have walked the way of the MAT program, which unfortunately backfired on him. I've written about how the system here used it to hit him with "positive" drug screens upon transfer and then issued a loss of visits (for one year) as a result. We haven't seen him in a year as a result. As with everything, there is a darkside of this offering.
He is connected with recovery resources, should he be paroled. We pray that day comes.
One reason that you can join the military at 18 but not drink or rent a car is that in the military you are subject to an external superego called a sergeant (or equivalent.) You can't compare that structured, hierarchical life with allowing civilian young men to do things they aren't ready to handle responsibly, as I certainly wasn't at 18 or 19.
Thanks for this perspective! From what I have heard (I have no military experience), the ‘structure’ in the service can be organized chaos and full of “toxic" (not my word, but a veteran's) “leadership.” Once placed in active war, all of the structure in the world can't shield young brains from the horrors.
Oh, yes, totally agree. I was just offering a rebuttal to the argument that since kids can join the military at 18 it proves that 18 and 19 year old are fully morally and intellectually developed.
Your ability to write so clearly and well, while holding so much weight and heaviness, is incredible, Bridget. Thank you for sharing as you do. I’ll be remembering all of this this wknd. And you.
Thank you for remembering. Thank you for holding me up.
What Allison said 👆🏻
Shame and trauma are so dangerously intertwined. A horrible kind of perfect storm.
Leslie, that is such a sharp and important truth. Shame and trauma often reinforce each other in ways that can quietly distort identity, decision-making, and what people believe they deserve long after the original wound. Bridget’s piece really helped show how deeply that entanglement can shape outcomes across both personal and institutional levels. Grateful for how concisely you named something that sits underneath so much of this conversation.
I teach Sociology—this sits at an interesting intersection of the concept of total institutions (Goffman) and gender. A piece I will consider sharing with my students. Excellent framing and writing.
Your posts are always so incisive and poignant, Bridget. I really hope you are shopping pieces widely to get your message out.
Someday, this will be a book. Thank you for this continued encouragement.
What Kate said 👆🏻
Once again, my heart breaks for you, your son, and all of us. Inexpressible grief for our young men and their families. Our culture is so broken, sometimes I despair that we can ever make a difference. Thank you for being so brave in the face of this. The scope is almost unbearable.
Bridget, this is a powerful and courageous reflection because you held together patriotism, grief, accountability, and systemic contradiction without flattening any of it. What especially stayed with me is how you connected honor, shame, and institutional outcomes through the lived story of your son; it gave human weight to questions many people discuss only in policy language. Your line about loss extending beyond those fallen in battle also widens an important conversation around what return, trauma, and restoration can mean. Grateful for how thoughtfully you wrote toward dignity, both for those carrying service and for those carrying consequences.
I really appreciate how you share what impacts you in each piece. Thank you fir taking the time to illuminate what hits and why it matters. It's makes us better writers to hear such reflections. And thank you for reading! 🖤
Bridget, I appreciate that. One of the gifts of strong writing is that it does more than communicate a point; it reveals where truth, tension, and lived experience meet in ways readers cannot easily ignore. Your piece carried that kind of weight, especially because it held complexity without losing dignity or humanity. Grateful for the care and courage you brought to writing it, and for the conversation it continues to open.
I'm so sorry to hear about your journey with your son's addiction battle. I'm formerly incarcerated myself and volunteer at a place that connects people in recovery with resources. Many of my colleagues were arrested for using or possessing opioids. My own cousin died due to his opioid use. If you can, see if his prison has access to Recovery Coaching or at least to MAT for people ready to leave.. it makes a HUGE difference in staying off drugs.
Thank you for your comment. We have walked the way of the MAT program, which unfortunately backfired on him. I've written about how the system here used it to hit him with "positive" drug screens upon transfer and then issued a loss of visits (for one year) as a result. We haven't seen him in a year as a result. As with everything, there is a darkside of this offering.
He is connected with recovery resources, should he be paroled. We pray that day comes.
Ooof I can feel your pain, Bridget. And your profound love for your boys. 💔 your writing is beautiful and important.
I so appreciate you reading, and feeling that love. 🖤
One reason that you can join the military at 18 but not drink or rent a car is that in the military you are subject to an external superego called a sergeant (or equivalent.) You can't compare that structured, hierarchical life with allowing civilian young men to do things they aren't ready to handle responsibly, as I certainly wasn't at 18 or 19.
Thanks for this perspective! From what I have heard (I have no military experience), the ‘structure’ in the service can be organized chaos and full of “toxic" (not my word, but a veteran's) “leadership.” Once placed in active war, all of the structure in the world can't shield young brains from the horrors.
Oh, yes, totally agree. I was just offering a rebuttal to the argument that since kids can join the military at 18 it proves that 18 and 19 year old are fully morally and intellectually developed.
Such a good point.
Excellent blog! Thank you for sharing, and informing me of some things I wasn't aware of! I so appreciate the wisdom you share and personal stories.
I appreciate you being here and willing to wade into this. Thank you for sharing. It inspires me to keep going.
Such a beautiful and poignant post. Really powerful! Thank you for sharing!
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment! I sooooo appreciate you.